who is winning?

the blood of men
all tainted wit the lust for sin
wage of death
for the depth
what we love within
i tend to to think
of monks from shoalin
control self
not tempted by linen or jewels or women
take a hit then i
fade away
to a place far away far away
from the modern day
a deep space but its back to the enterprise
to the inner thighs
to the injured minds
to the hurt molested the tested
to the bliss of being breast fed
and no pain
and no gain
and no shame
and no games
and no lames
and no taming myself from primal thoughts
no history
knowing that were were bought
and sold
now a nigga sell his self
under pressure from debts
seeking wealth only to lose himself
and mad time
death despair for a share of nothingness
why why why
what the fuck are we living for
just when it cant get any worse it does
with every challenge
more challenges
love loss love loss love loss
over and over
when will it stop
who decides you
when will it end ..........when you want it to.
but i fight back
i will not drown
i will not bend
break or fold
i will stand
rise
my eyes see the future
and it is bleek before improvement
the pain becomes love
the love become breath
i miss my love ones
i miss the past
i miss the feelings
i m numb but i move on
i move because there is no choice ..i must
i must go on
i cannot stop
i cannot rest
what will death be like
we can only hope to rest in peace
we can only hope to stop the pestilence of our negative thoughts
i pray i sleep i wake up
and do this over and over again
i chase my future
and the future comes before i exspect it
who is really winning
the billonaire or the monk...