TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1

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Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.

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poll by twiigs.com

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TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1

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Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.

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poll by twiigs.com

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TGT11: A Moment of 2011 Awesomeness

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This has been a moment of 2011 awesomeness.

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TGT11: A Moment of 2011 Awesomeness

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This has been a moment of 2011 awesomeness.

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TGT11: The Great Movies #10-1

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The 2011 Pantys are halfway over already! I hope everyone's been enjoying the wandering nonsensery. You can read what I had to say on the first half of this list of my favorite movies of the year, number twenty through number eleven, right at this link, but here's a simple list of them:

20. Margaret

19. Bridesmaids

18. 13 Assassins

17. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

16. Contagion

15. Weekend

14. The Muppets

13. Hanna

12. Beginners

11. The Future

And sans further ado, let us do MY TOP TEN!

Hugo (directed by Martin Scorsese - I don't think Hugo was even going to make this list a month ago. And then it came on DVD and I popped it in while folding my laundry and before I knew it I was laying on top of my laundry crying. Out of all the movies here it benefitted the most from me taking forever to make this list because time gave me, uh, time to fall more and more in love with it. And love it I do, like Marty loves Georges. An illicit and sexy amore! (original review)

Drive (directed by Nicholas Winding Refn) -- Okay I was kidding about the sexy Hugo thing, but I'll be goshdarned if Drive doesn't make me feel all hot under the collar. Right from the start with those Miami Vice-ready titles, the dark browns and reds and blacks undulating around Ryan Gosling's steady be-satined presence. Christina Hendricks in teensy hooves prancing across a pawn shop parking lot. Just describing moments from this movie turns me on. This shit is style to the Nth - half the world wants to be Drive and the other half wants to fuck it. (original review)

Poetry (directed by Chang-dong Lee) -- I have piles and piles of unwatched movies surrounding me at every given moment to the point where it's gotten exhausting to even choose what to watch. So sometimes you watch Soapdish for a 35th time. Or sometimes you snatch something at random, and sometimes it's awful, but sometimes half an hour later you find yourself quite unexpectedly sitting on your couch having entirely lost the outside world. I only knew that actress Jeong-hie Yun was supposed to give a good performance in Poetry - I did not know that come the end credits I was going to be so affected I'd have to sit in the dark for a couple of hours feeling shattered, emotionally spent. 

Young Adult (directed by Jason Reitman) -- Everything I wanted it to be from that time when the first trailer sent me into Charlize nirvana, and more. There's not much I sympathize more with than an unsympathetic hero - the more difficult the better, I say. Mavis, you are an MVP. Brutal and brutally funny, Reitman's film understands the beast and wedges us right on in there upending the entire romantic comedy genre in the process, turning its cutesy tropes into curdled horrors. (original review)

Shame (directed by Steve McQueen) -- I find myself facing a self-imagined wall of disbelieving boogeymen when I try to express just how deeply this film messed with me - "You only like it because of Fassy's dick being all over the place!" I hear them scream back at me. And lord knows I certainly didn't mind that. But much to my embarrassment since I was in public, I could not stop shaking after the movie finished. I found it to be a finely wrought expression of an endless emotional barrens - the fetid alleys and antiseptic lobbies of New York as hellish a purgatory as any ever dreamed. I know this New York - it's as real as any other expression of this place as I have seen. (original review)

Martha Marcy May Marlene (directed by Sean Durkin) -- I can't even wrap my head around the fact that this was Durkin's first film. It is so assured in every aspect - the visuals enrich the performances and they all plunk right down perfect tonally - that I'm a little bit in awe of him. What lucky folk we are to see what he'll come up with next. (original review)

Take Shelter (directed by Jeff Nichols) -- Another reason The Pantys got delayed this year, actually one of the main reasons, was I really wanted to see this movie a second time. I got curious comments over the past few months, wondering what my grade was for it since I hadn't reviewed it and it sat in my sidebar ungraded. So let it be said at last - this is a great film, a deeply troubling look into a mind coming unmoored, with Michael Shannon's best yet performance. There are moments herein that ripped me right up.

Certified Copy (directed by Abbas Kiarostami) -- I think Take Shelter and Certified Copy actually share some common ground, in that they both become a mind-game about what it is we're actually seeing happen. But how can I not give the slightest of edges to my most favorite of actresses Juliette Binoche giving what might be my favorite performance of hers ever?  By the time she's lounging in the half-light of that hotel attic I've just gone silly with renewed obsession. This film is so nimble and strange, following its own untrammeled path that it sucks me right in time and again, and just with words, glorious words, and they way these actors sell them. I love it so much I don't ever want any answers - I just want to roll the questions around on my tongue forever.

A Seperation (directed by Asghar Farhadi) -- Whereas Hugo moved upwards with time, I had a real struggle with my top two films switching back and forth and a month ago they would have been reversed I have no doubt. Technically I think A Seperation is a more perfectly made film - it really is as far as I'm concerned an indisputable masterpiece, not a single wrong step, and it was one of those where you can sense it from the opening credits, with those passports being xeroxed beside the titles. (original review) But there was one movie that just wrapped it's clammy hands a little bit deeper inside of me that wouldn't let go...

Melancholia (directed by Lars Von Trier) -- Other movies this year shook me, and other ones wowed me with their visuals and their performances, lord knows I've been rambling about them for three days now. But none coalesced into quite the perfect storm like Lars Von Trier's masterpiece of righteous depression did. To just think about this film literally gives me goosebumps, and think about it I have - it's hollowed out a little cave inside my head ever since I saw it in October. A little teepee of absently-yet-artfully-arranged sticks to save me from those times when it feels like the air is getting sucked right off the surface of the Earth. It's the end of the world, and I feel fucking fantastic. (original review)

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TGT11: The Great Movies #10-1

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The 2011 Pantys are halfway over already! I hope everyone's been enjoying the wandering nonsensery. You can read what I had to say on the first half of this list of my favorite movies of the year, number twenty through number eleven, right at this link, but here's a simple list of them:

20. Margaret

19. Bridesmaids

18. 13 Assassins

17. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

16. Contagion

15. Weekend

14. The Muppets

13. Hanna

12. Beginners

11. The Future

And sans further ado, let us do MY TOP TEN!

Hugo (directed by Martin Scorsese - I don't think Hugo was even going to make this list a month ago. And then it came on DVD and I popped it in while folding my laundry and before I knew it I was laying on top of my laundry crying. Out of all the movies here it benefitted the most from me taking forever to make this list because time gave me, uh, time to fall more and more in love with it. And love it I do, like Marty loves Georges. An illicit and sexy amore! (original review)

Drive (directed by Nicholas Winding Refn) -- Okay I was kidding about the sexy Hugo thing, but I'll be goshdarned if Drive doesn't make me feel all hot under the collar. Right from the start with those Miami Vice-ready titles, the dark browns and reds and blacks undulating around Ryan Gosling's steady be-satined presence. Christina Hendricks in teensy hooves prancing across a pawn shop parking lot. Just describing moments from this movie turns me on. This shit is style to the Nth - half the world wants to be Drive and the other half wants to fuck it. (original review)

Poetry (directed by Chang-dong Lee) -- I have piles and piles of unwatched movies surrounding me at every given moment to the point where it's gotten exhausting to even choose what to watch. So sometimes you watch Soapdish for a 35th time. Or sometimes you snatch something at random, and sometimes it's awful, but sometimes half an hour later you find yourself quite unexpectedly sitting on your couch having entirely lost the outside world. I only knew that actress Jeong-hie Yun was supposed to give a good performance in Poetry - I did not know that come the end credits I was going to be so affected I'd have to sit in the dark for a couple of hours feeling shattered, emotionally spent. 

Young Adult (directed by Jason Reitman) -- Everything I wanted it to be from that time when the first trailer sent me into Charlize nirvana, and more. There's not much I sympathize more with than an unsympathetic hero - the more difficult the better, I say. Mavis, you are an MVP. Brutal and brutally funny, Reitman's film understands the beast and wedges us right on in there upending the entire romantic comedy genre in the process, turning its cutesy tropes into curdled horrors. (original review)

Shame (directed by Steve McQueen) -- I find myself facing a self-imagined wall of disbelieving boogeymen when I try to express just how deeply this film messed with me - "You only like it because of Fassy's dick being all over the place!" I hear them scream back at me. And lord knows I certainly didn't mind that. But much to my embarrassment since I was in public, I could not stop shaking after the movie finished. I found it to be a finely wrought expression of an endless emotional barrens - the fetid alleys and antiseptic lobbies of New York as hellish a purgatory as any ever dreamed. I know this New York - it's as real as any other expression of this place as I have seen. (original review)

Martha Marcy May Marlene (directed by Sean Durkin) -- I can't even wrap my head around the fact that this was Durkin's first film. It is so assured in every aspect - the visuals enrich the performances and they all plunk right down perfect tonally - that I'm a little bit in awe of him. What lucky folk we are to see what he'll come up with next. (original review)

Take Shelter (directed by Jeff Nichols) -- Another reason The Pantys got delayed this year, actually one of the main reasons, was I really wanted to see this movie a second time. I got curious comments over the past few months, wondering what my grade was for it since I hadn't reviewed it and it sat in my sidebar ungraded. So let it be said at last - this is a great film, a deeply troubling look into a mind coming unmoored, with Michael Shannon's best yet performance. There are moments herein that ripped me right up.

Certified Copy (directed by Abbas Kiarostami) -- I think Take Shelter and Certified Copy actually share some common ground, in that they both become a mind-game about what it is we're actually seeing happen. But how can I not give the slightest of edges to my most favorite of actresses Juliette Binoche giving what might be my favorite performance of hers ever?  By the time she's lounging in the half-light of that hotel attic I've just gone silly with renewed obsession. This film is so nimble and strange, following its own untrammeled path that it sucks me right in time and again, and just with words, glorious words, and they way these actors sell them. I love it so much I don't ever want any answers - I just want to roll the questions around on my tongue forever.

A Seperation (directed by Asghar Farhadi) -- Whereas Hugo moved upwards with time, I had a real struggle with my top two films switching back and forth and a month ago they would have been reversed I have no doubt. Technically I think A Seperation is a more perfectly made film - it really is as far as I'm concerned an indisputable masterpiece, not a single wrong step, and it was one of those where you can sense it from the opening credits, with those passports being xeroxed beside the titles. (original review) But there was one movie that just wrapped it's clammy hands a little bit deeper inside of me that wouldn't let go...

Melancholia (directed by Lars Von Trier) -- Other movies this year shook me, and other ones wowed me with their visuals and their performances, lord knows I've been rambling about them for three days now. But none coalesced into quite the perfect storm like Lars Von Trier's masterpiece of righteous depression did. To just think about this film literally gives me goosebumps, and think about it I have - it's hollowed out a little cave inside my head ever since I saw it in October. A little teepee of absently-yet-artfully-arranged sticks to save me from those times when it feels like the air is getting sucked right off the surface of the Earth. It's the end of the world, and I feel fucking fantastic. (original review)

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