TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1

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Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.

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poll by twiigs.com

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TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1

.

Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.

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poll by twiigs.com

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I Really Mean It This TIme

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A couple of weeks ago I promised that MNPP's annual awards for real good achievement in cinema according to me, officially known as The Golden Trousers but entertainingly abbreviated to The Pantys, were right around the corner. Well it took me a little while to get around that corner but starting Monday, they're here. I totally pinky swear. So y'all stay tuned! There will be lots to see...

I Really Mean It This TIme

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A couple of weeks ago I promised that MNPP's annual awards for real good achievement in cinema according to me, officially known as The Golden Trousers but entertainingly abbreviated to The Pantys, were right around the corner. Well it took me a little while to get around that corner but starting Monday, they're here. I totally pinky swear. So y'all stay tuned! There will be lots to see...

I Am Link

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--- Bell of the Ball - Kristen Bell has lined up a couple of projects, which please let one be good please! She's playing one of Adam Brody's ex-girlfriends in a movie adaptation of a Neil Labute play called Some Girls, in which Brody's character tries to make amends with a bunch of his exes before he gets married. Jennifer Getzinger (she's directed a lot of Mad Men episodes) is directing. The second project makes so much sense since she's basically a Disney Princess come to life I don't know why I never thought of it before - Bell's voicing the lead in an animated Disney movie. The movie's called Frozen and no it's not a cartoon version of that movie where those three douches got stuck on a ski-slope and wolves ate them but rather it's a long-gestating adaptation of Hans Christian Anderson's story The Snow Queen.

--- Babies Crazy - One of my favorite Coen brothers movies Raising Arizona apparently turns 25 this week and The Film Experience memorializes the occasion with a take on Nic Cage's biker nightmare. Reading that monologue reminded me of the dream Tommy Lee Jones tells us of at the end of No Country and then all the dreams in A Serious Man and then of course Barton Fink's unravelling...

 --- Meloni of Steel - Here are a couple of new shots from the set of Zack Snyder's apparently still-shooting Superman movie Man of Steel with some of the everlasting gobhotness that is Henry Cavill standing around in his super-suit... plus bonus Chris Meloni's head from a distance in army fatigues! I mean his head isn't wearing the fatigues, that would be weird, but all you can really see is his head slash shoulders region. Basically he is not flashing his ass, which is what we all really want. Anyway "everlasting gobhotness," huh? okay.

--- Lady Michelle - I haven't really been keeping up with Dark Shadows stuff because Tim Burton's burned me too many times for me to get too enthusiastic about this and Johnny Depp looks awful, but STYD posted a couple new pictures and I love Michelle Pfeiffer's look wholeheartedly. At least we know she'll be fabulous.

--- Museum Day - This is kinda out of place here amidst the movie news but Sufjan Stevens has a sort-of new song out - he's releasing an EP in a few weeks that's a collaboration with a couple of rap-type folks and Pitchfork has the first track. It's called "Museum Day." I haven't been able to listen to it yet so I don't really know what to expect other than auto-tune, cuz they say it has auto-tune. His use of auto-tune on his last album was amazing though, so... 

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I Am Link

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--- Bell of the Ball - Kristen Bell has lined up a couple of projects, which please let one be good please! She's playing one of Adam Brody's ex-girlfriends in a movie adaptation of a Neil Labute play called Some Girls, in which Brody's character tries to make amends with a bunch of his exes before he gets married. Jennifer Getzinger (she's directed a lot of Mad Men episodes) is directing. The second project makes so much sense since she's basically a Disney Princess come to life I don't know why I never thought of it before - Bell's voicing the lead in an animated Disney movie. The movie's called Frozen and no it's not a cartoon version of that movie where those three douches got stuck on a ski-slope and wolves ate them but rather it's a long-gestating adaptation of Hans Christian Anderson's story The Snow Queen.

--- Babies Crazy - One of my favorite Coen brothers movies Raising Arizona apparently turns 25 this week and The Film Experience memorializes the occasion with a take on Nic Cage's biker nightmare. Reading that monologue reminded me of the dream Tommy Lee Jones tells us of at the end of No Country and then all the dreams in A Serious Man and then of course Barton Fink's unravelling...

 --- Meloni of Steel - Here are a couple of new shots from the set of Zack Snyder's apparently still-shooting Superman movie Man of Steel with some of the everlasting gobhotness that is Henry Cavill standing around in his super-suit... plus bonus Chris Meloni's head from a distance in army fatigues! I mean his head isn't wearing the fatigues, that would be weird, but all you can really see is his head slash shoulders region. Basically he is not flashing his ass, which is what we all really want. Anyway "everlasting gobhotness," huh? okay.

--- Lady Michelle - I haven't really been keeping up with Dark Shadows stuff because Tim Burton's burned me too many times for me to get too enthusiastic about this and Johnny Depp looks awful, but STYD posted a couple new pictures and I love Michelle Pfeiffer's look wholeheartedly. At least we know she'll be fabulous.

--- Museum Day - This is kinda out of place here amidst the movie news but Sufjan Stevens has a sort-of new song out - he's releasing an EP in a few weeks that's a collaboration with a couple of rap-type folks and Pitchfork has the first track. It's called "Museum Day." I haven't been able to listen to it yet so I don't really know what to expect other than auto-tune, cuz they say it has auto-tune. His use of auto-tune on his last album was amazing though, so... 

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I Am Link

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--- Counsel This - Ridley Scott is yapping his mouth already about a Prometheus sequel (all the better to get press for the first one), but now we know for real what he's really doing next, and that is the first movie script from The Road author Cormac McCarthy, something called The Counselor. And apparently Scott's been talking to his Prometheus star Michael Fassbender about being the lead in it. It sounds very Breaking Bad and/or Weeds - it's about a lawyer who thinks he can deal drugs on the side but things spiral way way out of control. As things tend to do, especially when Cormac McCarthy is involved. (pic via)

--- Paradise Really Lost This Time - John Milton can stop spinning in his grave, for now - director Alex Proyas, who made one good movie a very long time ago, is not going to make that big budget bastardization of his epic poem Paradise Lost starring Bradley Cooper as Lucifer and Benjamin Walker as the archangel Michael. The budget got out of control and the studio said no thanks.

--- Forget Fontaine - The writer of Eastern Promises has been hired to write a script for a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca. Technically I suppose he's just going to write a new adaptation of the book by Daphne DuMaurier. It's been a long long time since I read her book, so I can't remember how different the two are. As long as a tightly hair-bunned lezzie lovingly strokes some silky underthings, we're good!

--- Ghost Dad - You can't go wrong highlighting the one thing I really liked about Paranormal Activity 3 - that being hot pop Dennis, played by Christoper Nicholas Smith, who we'll hopefully get to see in something else sometime. Preferably he'll bring along those jeans to his next job. Or, you know, less, much less, far far less.

--- White Rice - Because Edward Zwick hasn't made enough movies about the experiences of non-white people shown to us through the eyes of a white person, he's setting up a movie about the building of The Great Wall in China, starring who else but that renowned Asian specimen Henry Cavill. I mean I love me some Henry Cavill, but come on. I can't wait for his movie about slaves starring Matthew Broderick... oh wait, nevermind.

--- And finally, have you seen this video of Jean Dujardin auditioning for his next roles? Love it. He's such a sex beast.
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Jean Dujardin's Villain Auditions from Jean Dujardin

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I Am Link

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--- Counsel This - Ridley Scott is yapping his mouth already about a Prometheus sequel (all the better to get press for the first one), but now we know for real what he's really doing next, and that is the first movie script from The Road author Cormac McCarthy, something called The Counselor. And apparently Scott's been talking to his Prometheus star Michael Fassbender about being the lead in it. It sounds very Breaking Bad and/or Weeds - it's about a lawyer who thinks he can deal drugs on the side but things spiral way way out of control. As things tend to do, especially when Cormac McCarthy is involved. (pic via)

--- Paradise Really Lost This Time - John Milton can stop spinning in his grave, for now - director Alex Proyas, who made one good movie a very long time ago, is not going to make that big budget bastardization of his epic poem Paradise Lost starring Bradley Cooper as Lucifer and Benjamin Walker as the archangel Michael. The budget got out of control and the studio said no thanks.

--- Forget Fontaine - The writer of Eastern Promises has been hired to write a script for a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca. Technically I suppose he's just going to write a new adaptation of the book by Daphne DuMaurier. It's been a long long time since I read her book, so I can't remember how different the two are. As long as a tightly hair-bunned lezzie lovingly strokes some silky underthings, we're good!

--- Ghost Dad - You can't go wrong highlighting the one thing I really liked about Paranormal Activity 3 - that being hot pop Dennis, played by Christoper Nicholas Smith, who we'll hopefully get to see in something else sometime. Preferably he'll bring along those jeans to his next job. Or, you know, less, much less, far far less.

--- White Rice - Because Edward Zwick hasn't made enough movies about the experiences of non-white people shown to us through the eyes of a white person, he's setting up a movie about the building of The Great Wall in China, starring who else but that renowned Asian specimen Henry Cavill. I mean I love me some Henry Cavill, but come on. I can't wait for his movie about slaves starring Matthew Broderick... oh wait, nevermind.

--- And finally, have you seen this video of Jean Dujardin auditioning for his next roles? Love it. He's such a sex beast.
.

Jean Dujardin's Villain Auditions from Jean Dujardin

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Kick Ass Siggy And Cavill Nips A Go

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Have you guys watched the trailer for the thriller The Cold Light of Day with Henry Cavill, Bruce Willis, and Sigourney Weaver yet? Here it is if you missed it:

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And I will give you two reasons why this could be

the greatest movie of all time, in gif form, right now:

I'm there!

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