Alright Let's Try This Again

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A couple of weeks ago it was rumored that Jake Gyllenhaal had picked his next project - he hasn't had anything lined up after his bald cop drama End of Watch for quite some time - and it was going to be the Hughes Brothers' new movie Motor City, which Dominic Cooper had just dropped out of. Well within 24 hours Jake was out, due to scheduling problems, and we went back to wondering if he'd ever make another movie or if he'd just become a music video star (and hey if they all involved him in a towel and hitting people with hammers we'd be fine with that). 

Well now we maybe have real news, and not just a rumor, maybe. Via Variety comes this:

GYLLENHAAL TO MEET DOUBLE IN 'AN ENEMY'

EXCLUSIVE: Before directing Hugh Jackman in PRISONERS, Denis Villeneuve will helm the indie AN ENEMY with Jake Gyllenhaal in negotiations to star, Variety's Justin Kroll reports. Javier Gullón is penning the adaptation based on the novel THE DOUBLE by Jose Saramago. The story revolves around a dysfunctional history teacher who accidentally discovers his exact double on a rented DVD, seeks him out and ends up turning both of their lives upside down. Gyllenhaal would play two roles in the film, described by sources as "dark and edgy."

Okay either Jake is as in love with Dominic Cooper's ass in The Devil's Double as much as we are or he got jealous of all the attention I've paid to Dom this past year, because first he almost picked up Dom's leftover role and now he's making a "dark and edgy" movie about doubles? If dark and edgy means we can expect a repeat of this from Jake Gyllenhaal...



... then I might have just exploded. KA-FUCKING-BOOM. (And no I will never tire of posting that gif; I may post it a thousand times over) Has anyone read Saramago's book? I loved Blindness so as soon as I hit post here I'm off to Amazon to pick this one up.

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Alright Let's Try This Again

.

A couple of weeks ago it was rumored that Jake Gyllenhaal had picked his next project - he hasn't had anything lined up after his bald cop drama End of Watch for quite some time - and it was going to be the Hughes Brothers' new movie Motor City, which Dominic Cooper had just dropped out of. Well within 24 hours Jake was out, due to scheduling problems, and we went back to wondering if he'd ever make another movie or if he'd just become a music video star (and hey if they all involved him in a towel and hitting people with hammers we'd be fine with that). 

Well now we maybe have real news, and not just a rumor, maybe. Via Variety comes this:

GYLLENHAAL TO MEET DOUBLE IN 'AN ENEMY'

EXCLUSIVE: Before directing Hugh Jackman in PRISONERS, Denis Villeneuve will helm the indie AN ENEMY with Jake Gyllenhaal in negotiations to star, Variety's Justin Kroll reports. Javier Gullón is penning the adaptation based on the novel THE DOUBLE by Jose Saramago. The story revolves around a dysfunctional history teacher who accidentally discovers his exact double on a rented DVD, seeks him out and ends up turning both of their lives upside down. Gyllenhaal would play two roles in the film, described by sources as "dark and edgy."

Okay either Jake is as in love with Dominic Cooper's ass in The Devil's Double as much as we are or he got jealous of all the attention I've paid to Dom this past year, because first he almost picked up Dom's leftover role and now he's making a "dark and edgy" movie about doubles? If dark and edgy means we can expect a repeat of this from Jake Gyllenhaal...



... then I might have just exploded. KA-FUCKING-BOOM. (And no I will never tire of posting that gif; I may post it a thousand times over) Has anyone read Saramago's book? I loved Blindness so as soon as I hit post here I'm off to Amazon to pick this one up.

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TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1

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Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.

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poll by twiigs.com

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TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1

.

Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.

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poll by twiigs.com

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TGT11: A Moment of 2011 Awesomeness

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This has been a moment of 2011 awesomeness.

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TGT11: A Moment of 2011 Awesomeness

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This has been a moment of 2011 awesomeness.

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This News Story Exists...

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... solely for me to get the chance to photoshop those two together, right? I mean perhaps one day I won't have to photoshop them together because they will actually be photographed together - in flagrante! - but until then, this news was made for me to get to photoshop Jake Gyllenhaal and Dominic Cooper into a single shot. And I appreciate that. Via Slash:

"Jake Gyllenhaal Replaces Dominic Cooper in ‘Motor City’

Briefly: The script for Motor City, written by Chad St. John, sounds pretty rote: a former Army Ranger is framed for a crime, and when released from prison he goes after the guy who did the framing, and who stole his girl to boot. But the script has almost no dialogue — a few lines, maybe — and that makes it sound like an interesting exercise, at least.

Dominic Cooper was going to play the lead role, with Gary Oldman as the bad guy and Amber Heard as the female lead. But Cooper ended up moving on, and now Jake Gyllenhaal will play the lead role, under the direction of Albert Hughes. (His first film without brother Allen.) A spring start is scheduled, with the film set to shoot in Berlin."

We told you about this movie both when Dom got cast and when he left the movie. We also have been wondering lately if Jake was ever going to pick another movie to make, or act again, since his schedule's been blank for awhile. So now we know. And the more you know... the more pictures you will photoshop to hump, apparently.

.

This News Story Exists...

.

... solely for me to get the chance to photoshop those two together, right? I mean perhaps one day I won't have to photoshop them together because they will actually be photographed together - in flagrante! - but until then, this news was made for me to get to photoshop Jake Gyllenhaal and Dominic Cooper into a single shot. And I appreciate that. Via Slash:

"Jake Gyllenhaal Replaces Dominic Cooper in ‘Motor City’

Briefly: The script for Motor City, written by Chad St. John, sounds pretty rote: a former Army Ranger is framed for a crime, and when released from prison he goes after the guy who did the framing, and who stole his girl to boot. But the script has almost no dialogue — a few lines, maybe — and that makes it sound like an interesting exercise, at least.

Dominic Cooper was going to play the lead role, with Gary Oldman as the bad guy and Amber Heard as the female lead. But Cooper ended up moving on, and now Jake Gyllenhaal will play the lead role, under the direction of Albert Hughes. (His first film without brother Allen.) A spring start is scheduled, with the film set to shoot in Berlin."

We told you about this movie both when Dom got cast and when he left the movie. We also have been wondering lately if Jake was ever going to pick another movie to make, or act again, since his schedule's been blank for awhile. So now we know. And the more you know... the more pictures you will photoshop to hump, apparently.

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Dear Dom Headed To De Palma Ville

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Just a couple of weeks ago we heard that Brian De Palma was working with Jason Statham on remaking an old Burt Reynolds movie called Heat - well today comes news of a different De Palma project and it sounds like this one will definitely be the next movie he makes. Bonus: Dominic Cooper just joined the cast! Via The Playlist:

"After a few stalled efforts and possible projects that didn't quite get moving, Brian De Palma's "Passion" is going full steam ahead, and it looks like it could be his starriest outing since "The Black Dahlia." The film, a loose remake of Alain Corneau's "Love Crime," already has Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace slotted as the dueling leads, and now two more excellent actors are coming aboard.

According to German site MediaBiz (via De Palma A La Mod) Dominic Cooper and Karoline Herfurth have landed roles in the film as well, though it's not clear who they will be playing. The story, which fits right into De Palma's pulpy wheelhouse, tweaks Corneau's film slightly and will focus on a woman who turns to murder when a boss steals her idea. It's basically the dream movie of anyone who has been screwed over by a superior."

Did anybody see the 2010 version? I know I meant to see it - it stars Ludivine Sagnier (who coincidentally was just in The Devil's Double with Dom) as the employee and Kristin Scott Thomas as her boss - but I never got around to it. I might even have a copy buried in my unwatched DVDs at home, now that I'm reminded. Anyway I agree with The Playlist completely - this is right in De Palma's sweet-spot and I can't wait. Hopefully Dom will be as sleazy as possible!
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Dear Dom Headed To De Palma Ville

.

Just a couple of weeks ago we heard that Brian De Palma was working with Jason Statham on remaking an old Burt Reynolds movie called Heat - well today comes news of a different De Palma project and it sounds like this one will definitely be the next movie he makes. Bonus: Dominic Cooper just joined the cast! Via The Playlist:

"After a few stalled efforts and possible projects that didn't quite get moving, Brian De Palma's "Passion" is going full steam ahead, and it looks like it could be his starriest outing since "The Black Dahlia." The film, a loose remake of Alain Corneau's "Love Crime," already has Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace slotted as the dueling leads, and now two more excellent actors are coming aboard.

According to German site MediaBiz (via De Palma A La Mod) Dominic Cooper and Karoline Herfurth have landed roles in the film as well, though it's not clear who they will be playing. The story, which fits right into De Palma's pulpy wheelhouse, tweaks Corneau's film slightly and will focus on a woman who turns to murder when a boss steals her idea. It's basically the dream movie of anyone who has been screwed over by a superior."

Did anybody see the 2010 version? I know I meant to see it - it stars Ludivine Sagnier (who coincidentally was just in The Devil's Double with Dom) as the employee and Kristin Scott Thomas as her boss - but I never got around to it. I might even have a copy buried in my unwatched DVDs at home, now that I'm reminded. Anyway I agree with The Playlist completely - this is right in De Palma's sweet-spot and I can't wait. Hopefully Dom will be as sleazy as possible!
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... monkeying around with Dominic Cooper.

It must be so strange to have some stranger on the street come up to you and hand you a little stuffed monkey. Don't you think? I'd be expecting it to split open and a little cloud of knock-out gas to spray from its innards and the next thing I'd know I was waking up in the back of a van bouncing over a dirt-road in the dark, a ball-gag between my teeth and the faint light of the dashboard illuminating the driver's giant mop of crazy-person hair in the front seat. Then again, I am paranoid, a little bit. Lesson being, don't take monkeys from strangers. It's weird. Also, yes, I gave him that monkey.

Anyway there is Dom news today! It sounds like he is not making that crime thriller Motor City with the Hughes Bothers, the one where he only had one line of dialogue the whole film - instead he's doing a movie called Cities with the director Roger Donaldson (He made Species! Plus The Bank Job and The Getaway.) and co-stars such as Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst. It's about "the months before the Dow Jones stock-market high and intertwines the stories of characters around the globe, including a New York hedge fund manager, a Mumbai police officer and a couple house-hunting in London." He is replacing Clive Owen. I hope he and Orlando Bloom are playing the house-hunting couple!

Oh and there's an international version of the Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter trailer out now, and it finally has a look at Dominic in it! Hooray! I guess they think he only appeals to overseas viewers or something? Fuck that! Watch that trailer here.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... monkeying around with Dominic Cooper.

It must be so strange to have some stranger on the street come up to you and hand you a little stuffed monkey. Don't you think? I'd be expecting it to split open and a little cloud of knock-out gas to spray from its innards and the next thing I'd know I was waking up in the back of a van bouncing over a dirt-road in the dark, a ball-gag between my teeth and the faint light of the dashboard illuminating the driver's giant mop of crazy-person hair in the front seat. Then again, I am paranoid, a little bit. Lesson being, don't take monkeys from strangers. It's weird. Also, yes, I gave him that monkey.

Anyway there is Dom news today! It sounds like he is not making that crime thriller Motor City with the Hughes Bothers, the one where he only had one line of dialogue the whole film - instead he's doing a movie called Cities with the director Roger Donaldson (He made Species! Plus The Bank Job and The Getaway.) and co-stars such as Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst. It's about "the months before the Dow Jones stock-market high and intertwines the stories of characters around the globe, including a New York hedge fund manager, a Mumbai police officer and a couple house-hunting in London." He is replacing Clive Owen. I hope he and Orlando Bloom are playing the house-hunting couple!

Oh and there's an international version of the Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter trailer out now, and it finally has a look at Dominic in it! Hooray! I guess they think he only appeals to overseas viewers or something? Fuck that! Watch that trailer here.