Haywire Will Be Out On May 1st

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So you won't have any excuses for not seeing it after that. Go here and buy it! I don't get why it did so poorly, box office wise - you may recall that I enjoyed the hell out of it (here's my review) so even besides all that hot Fassy towel action I say there's other wonders to behold. Channing and Ewan and Soderbergh's super style, all that jazz. And Carano might've been wet behind the ears acting-wise but Soderbergh utilized her well, I thought.

Oh and I swiped these gifs straight from the ever-awesome Simone at Fassinating Fassbender, but how could I not? She understands.

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Haywire Will Be Out On May 1st

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So you won't have any excuses for not seeing it after that. Go here and buy it! I don't get why it did so poorly, box office wise - you may recall that I enjoyed the hell out of it (here's my review) so even besides all that hot Fassy towel action I say there's other wonders to behold. Channing and Ewan and Soderbergh's super style, all that jazz. And Carano might've been wet behind the ears acting-wise but Soderbergh utilized her well, I thought.

Oh and I swiped these gifs straight from the ever-awesome Simone at Fassinating Fassbender, but how could I not? She understands.

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Quote of the Day

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"Your penis was a revelation.

I'm available to work with it any time."

--- That's Charlize Theron to Michael Fassbender after he presented her with an award at an HRC gala this weekend. (via) You know there was a long ass time after she won her much-deserved Oscar for Monster where I stood by my Charlize when it felt like the world didn't give a shit about her - I just want it underlined that I was there first and most steadfast. Because she must be my best friend, and this will get that done. But seriously I so want these two to be a couple. I've been saying it forever and they're just toying with me now. She is the only woman in the world good enough for him. The only one! (And obviously I'm the only man, duh.)
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Quote of the Day

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"Your penis was a revelation.

I'm available to work with it any time."

--- That's Charlize Theron to Michael Fassbender after he presented her with an award at an HRC gala this weekend. (via) You know there was a long ass time after she won her much-deserved Oscar for Monster where I stood by my Charlize when it felt like the world didn't give a shit about her - I just want it underlined that I was there first and most steadfast. Because she must be my best friend, and this will get that done. But seriously I so want these two to be a couple. I've been saying it forever and they're just toying with me now. She is the only woman in the world good enough for him. The only one! (And obviously I'm the only man, duh.)
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Fassy Built

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I assume by now everyone's watched the new trailer for Prometheus - if you'd have told me a couple of years back that I'd be geeking out so hard for a Ridley Scott movie, I... well I probably would have asked if it was related to Alien because no matter what I'd geek out over anything related to Alien. But the trailers have been so spectacular that even I'm a little bit astonished at how excited I am, because I've been on Ridley Scott's case for making shitty movies for the last twenty years. 

Anyway like I said I assume y'all have watched the new trailer but if not you can see it over here. I think that's it for me - I'm beyond convinced that I'll be seeing this and don't need to see anymore footage. Let's leave the rest of it in the dark until opening weekend. 

That said, have you seen this viral video involving the Fassybot? If I could grow a Fassy in a bag, I would have fifteen of them.

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Fassy Built

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I assume by now everyone's watched the new trailer for Prometheus - if you'd have told me a couple of years back that I'd be geeking out so hard for a Ridley Scott movie, I... well I probably would have asked if it was related to Alien because no matter what I'd geek out over anything related to Alien. But the trailers have been so spectacular that even I'm a little bit astonished at how excited I am, because I've been on Ridley Scott's case for making shitty movies for the last twenty years. 

Anyway like I said I assume y'all have watched the new trailer but if not you can see it over here. I think that's it for me - I'm beyond convinced that I'll be seeing this and don't need to see anymore footage. Let's leave the rest of it in the dark until opening weekend. 

That said, have you seen this viral video involving the Fassybot? If I could grow a Fassy in a bag, I would have fifteen of them.

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TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1

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Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.

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poll by twiigs.com

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TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1

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Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.

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poll by twiigs.com

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Do Dump or Marry - The Fassys of '11 Edition

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It's been a glorious time to be a fan of The Fassy (except for that whole "not even being nominated for an Oscar, much less winning his deserved statue" thing). We've been swimming in riches. "Riches" meaning "severely damaged men flying off the deep end," of course. He does right by those guys. 

So let's do dump or marry his 2011 trio: There's Magneto in X-Men: Muppet Babies, there's Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre, and there's Brandon in Shame. Which of these men would you have sex once with, which would you wed to for life, and which would you give the ol' heave ho? Tell in the comments!

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Do Dump or Marry - The Fassys of '11 Edition

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It's been a glorious time to be a fan of The Fassy (except for that whole "not even being nominated for an Oscar, much less winning his deserved statue" thing). We've been swimming in riches. "Riches" meaning "severely damaged men flying off the deep end," of course. He does right by those guys. 

So let's do dump or marry his 2011 trio: There's Magneto in X-Men: Muppet Babies, there's Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre, and there's Brandon in Shame. Which of these men would you have sex once with, which would you wed to for life, and which would you give the ol' heave ho? Tell in the comments!

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TGT11: A Moment of 2011 Awesomeness

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This has been a moment of 2011 awesomeness.

(It should have been awesomer, but I won't complain.)

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TGT11: A Moment of 2011 Awesomeness

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This has been a moment of 2011 awesomeness.

(It should have been awesomer, but I won't complain.)

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Good Morning, World

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(click to embiggen) Who's that knocking at the door? Oh my goodness, it's a whore. How appropriate, given today's theme. Let it be known that today is final day of The 2011 Golden Trousers, which means it's the day all of us pervs have been salivating over - it's The Day of the Great Gratuities! Meaning you should just send the kids to the neighbors because it's gonna get kinda sorta very much nekkid for the next 8 or so hours. I have a million things to plow (heh) through, so let's just get on with it. You're gonna see a lot of Mr. Michael Fassbender today, I'm sure you're shocked, shocked! I figured we might as well toss him right out here at the start.

After the jump see another pair of gifs from Shame that I haven't posted before (see what I have posted before right here), including his a brightened gif of "the cock shot heard round the world" (via here) and then the peeing scene. This is all excessively NSFW, obviously. Happy Gratuity Day!