RIP Terra Nova

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The fact that somebody was able to make a show that featured both a shirtless Jason O'Mara and motherfucking dinosaurs something that I literally forgot even existed after the second episode is really astonishing to me, so I guess Terra Nova deserves credit for that, at least. That is one very large, very terrible feat.

If Netflix does bring the show back they need to make it an hour of Jason O'Mara in just a loincloth riding on the back of a dinosaur. Show saved! I'll collect my royalties in a lump sum, thank you.

RIP Terra Nova

.

The fact that somebody was able to make a show that featured both a shirtless Jason O'Mara and motherfucking dinosaurs something that I literally forgot even existed after the second episode is really astonishing to me, so I guess Terra Nova deserves credit for that, at least. That is one very large, very terrible feat.

If Netflix does bring the show back they need to make it an hour of Jason O'Mara in just a loincloth riding on the back of a dinosaur. Show saved! I'll collect my royalties in a lump sum, thank you.

The Moment I Fell For... Laura Dern

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Happy 45th birthday to Laura Dern! I was looking through my old Laura Dern posts this morning and just a couple of weeks ago for David Lynch's birthday I'd asked which Lynchian Dern character was hotter, and I already listed a list of my favorite performances of hers for her birthday back in 2009, and I've given loads of love to The Face a million times over, and on and on - she's always been one of my favorite actresses. Very nearly literally always - I remember watching  the Joyce Carol Oates "Hormones will kill you!' adaptation Smooth Talk in school and it was instantaneous, this affection for her. I need to go back and rewatch  Smooth Talk, it's been a very long time (plus all that vintage Treat Wiliams, mmm). It was the very next year she hooked up with David Lynch for Blue Velvet (although I wouldn't see that movie until much later), and then come 1993 came Jurassic Park and there was no looking back. And now she's getting some of the kudos she has long long deserved with Mike White's brilliant Enlightened, and the world in this respect feels right. Point being, I would so sit on the side of the road with a cow for her.

The Moment I Fell For... Laura Dern

.

Happy 45th birthday to Laura Dern! I was looking through my old Laura Dern posts this morning and just a couple of weeks ago for David Lynch's birthday I'd asked which Lynchian Dern character was hotter, and I already listed a list of my favorite performances of hers for her birthday back in 2009, and I've given loads of love to The Face a million times over, and on and on - she's always been one of my favorite actresses. Very nearly literally always - I remember watching  the Joyce Carol Oates "Hormones will kill you!' adaptation Smooth Talk in school and it was instantaneous, this affection for her. I need to go back and rewatch  Smooth Talk, it's been a very long time (plus all that vintage Treat Wiliams, mmm). It was the very next year she hooked up with David Lynch for Blue Velvet (although I wouldn't see that movie until much later), and then come 1993 came Jurassic Park and there was no looking back. And now she's getting some of the kudos she has long long deserved with Mike White's brilliant Enlightened, and the world in this respect feels right. Point being, I would so sit on the side of the road with a cow for her.

Thomas Kretschmann One Time

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So who watched The River? I know its ratings weren't great so the answer's probably "Nobody!" I only got around to it last night, and forgive me Kretschmann but I thought it was pretty terrible. All over the place with the stealing from Lost and Paranormal Activity with no nuance to it - you're just not allowed to do black smoke rumbling through palm trees! God! - and the "found footage" aspect of it was poorly done to the point of distraction - as hard as they try to force it, there are about a thousand moments where a camera capturing a moment makes absolutely no sense at all.

It had a couple of moments that sort of creeped me out - any time any where you make a bug crawl in somebody's sleeping mouth you are gonna get me - but those were far, far outweighed by the obvious groan-worthy efforts - a baby doll turning its head? Really, show? American Horror Story could get away with that because it's intentionally awful over-the-top everything-referential, but not you.

Still, it has Thomas Kretschmann and Joe Anderson - not to mention Sin Nombre's wonderful Paulina Gaitan, who will hopefully get more to work with than Subtitled Doomsayer - so I will keep with it. But I hope they pull their shit together. Meaning more of this:

Thomas Kretschmann One Time

.

So who watched The River? I know its ratings weren't great so the answer's probably "Nobody!" I only got around to it last night, and forgive me Kretschmann but I thought it was pretty terrible. All over the place with the stealing from Lost and Paranormal Activity with no nuance to it - you're just not allowed to do black smoke rumbling through palm trees! God! - and the "found footage" aspect of it was poorly done to the point of distraction - as hard as they try to force it, there are about a thousand moments where a camera capturing a moment makes absolutely no sense at all.

It had a couple of moments that sort of creeped me out - any time any where you make a bug crawl in somebody's sleeping mouth you are gonna get me - but those were far, far outweighed by the obvious groan-worthy efforts - a baby doll turning its head? Really, show? American Horror Story could get away with that because it's intentionally awful over-the-top everything-referential, but not you.

Still, it has Thomas Kretschmann and Joe Anderson - not to mention Sin Nombre's wonderful Paulina Gaitan, who will hopefully get more to work with than Subtitled Doomsayer - so I will keep with it. But I hope they pull their shit together. Meaning more of this:

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

.

... feeding the jungle fever with
Thomas Kretschmann and Joe Anderson.

I've been lax covering the new ABC television program The River which premieres tonight - hell I just remembered to put it onto my DVR yesterday, so it's not just here at MNPP that my mind's been elsewhere. The last time I mentioned it was last July, when I posted a bunch of pictures of these two of its menfolk I have long appreciated. You should recall this is the show brought to us from Paranormal Activity director Oren Peli (Steven Spielberg's slapped his name on it too, although you know he's not exactly hands on). Anyway I will be watching it! Will you?

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

.

... feeding the jungle fever with
Thomas Kretschmann and Joe Anderson.

I've been lax covering the new ABC television program The River which premieres tonight - hell I just remembered to put it onto my DVR yesterday, so it's not just here at MNPP that my mind's been elsewhere. The last time I mentioned it was last July, when I posted a bunch of pictures of these two of its menfolk I have long appreciated. You should recall this is the show brought to us from Paranormal Activity director Oren Peli (Steven Spielberg's slapped his name on it too, although you know he's not exactly hands on). Anyway I will be watching it! Will you?

Which Is Hotter?

.

Charlton Heston as Moses in The Ten Commandments,

or Billy Campbell as Moses in In The Beginning?

.

poll by twiigs.com

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Did y'all hear the news that Steven Spielberg's planning on making a movie about Moses' life? The whole thing of course, from the basket floating down the river to the old man wandering in the desert, all that jazz. Says DH:

"The tone is expected to be less Cecile B. De Mille and more Braveheart with Moses portrayed as one of history's great warriors. It will also be filmed with a gritty and realistic tone akin to Spielberg's own Saving Private Ryan."

Mkay. With this and Darren Aronofsky's Noah epic I guess the time has come for Bible stories. I want Sodom and Gomorrah: The Movie then! Anyway when I saw this news I figured I'd look up and see what actors have played Moses in the past that are named something other than Charlton Heston and that's how I stumbled upon the fact that beautiful Billy Campbell (you'll want to click that link) played him in this 2000 TV movie which I don't remember existing. Apparently neither does the world because I could find literally zero point zero zero pictures of him in the role online! WTF, internet? Fail. Somebody did upload the entire movie onto YouTube though (I don't know), so I dutifully scanned through it until I found him. But you wanna know what else I discovered while dutifully scanning through it?

Mmhmm. Eddie Cibrian plays some kind of slave boy and it appears as if he sexes his way to the top of the slave ladder. Okay again I was only fast-forwarding through it and I wasn't listening to the dialogue at all, so this is probably an entirely skewed version of the events, but hey, it's what we got. I mean come on. Everybody's eyeing Eddie like he's a sizzling slab of beef and they haven't eaten in a month.

Point being, religion ain't just bad stuff! It's also about hot guys spending all their time together without anything on under their robes. Never forget that.

See several more gifs after the jump. Love the shot of him 

checking out his spectacular ass in his stylin' new outfit.

Which Is Hotter?

.

Charlton Heston as Moses in The Ten Commandments,

or Billy Campbell as Moses in In The Beginning?

.

poll by twiigs.com

.

Did y'all hear the news that Steven Spielberg's planning on making a movie about Moses' life? The whole thing of course, from the basket floating down the river to the old man wandering in the desert, all that jazz. Says DH:

"The tone is expected to be less Cecile B. De Mille and more Braveheart with Moses portrayed as one of history's great warriors. It will also be filmed with a gritty and realistic tone akin to Spielberg's own Saving Private Ryan."

Mkay. With this and Darren Aronofsky's Noah epic I guess the time has come for Bible stories. I want Sodom and Gomorrah: The Movie then! Anyway when I saw this news I figured I'd look up and see what actors have played Moses in the past that are named something other than Charlton Heston and that's how I stumbled upon the fact that beautiful Billy Campbell (you'll want to click that link) played him in this 2000 TV movie which I don't remember existing. Apparently neither does the world because I could find literally zero point zero zero pictures of him in the role online! WTF, internet? Fail. Somebody did upload the entire movie onto YouTube though (I don't know), so I dutifully scanned through it until I found him. But you wanna know what else I discovered while dutifully scanning through it?

Mmhmm. Eddie Cibrian plays some kind of slave boy and it appears as if he sexes his way to the top of the slave ladder. Okay again I was only fast-forwarding through it and I wasn't listening to the dialogue at all, so this is probably an entirely skewed version of the events, but hey, it's what we got. I mean come on. Everybody's eyeing Eddie like he's a sizzling slab of beef and they haven't eaten in a month.

Point being, religion ain't just bad stuff! It's also about hot guys spending all their time together without anything on under their robes. Never forget that.

See several more gifs after the jump. Love the shot of him 

checking out his spectacular ass in his stylin' new outfit.